wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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