You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just invented taco cereal.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize