Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
