Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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