So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
