hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
