how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
