Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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