o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
