I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
