Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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