I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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