I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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