I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize