Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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