It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You did what with his pubic hair?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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