my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
