Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
