Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm too high and old for this...
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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