shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
