what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize