I met the friendliest cop last night
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Everything about him screamed your future.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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