Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
two words...techno handjob
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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