I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
