Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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