i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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