She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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