Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
