When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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