I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
