I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
