What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
