You're my little dorito
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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