The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
