ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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