I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
