I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
