If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
