dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Randomize
