So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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