Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize