Just cropdusted the office
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
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