Sry I called you an 8
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
