I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
