I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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