After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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