How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
