I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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