Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
