She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
