Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize