The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
