k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
