It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Holy shit dude........stairs
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