Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
