wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize