I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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