You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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