Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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