You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
