There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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