Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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