There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
