He asked to "fluff my boner.."
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
