you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
