party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
