I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
