Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
