How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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