Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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