They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
