I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
