I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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