My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
