my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
