Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize