Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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