batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
