I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
