I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
