you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize