So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Randomize
