I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize