she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
