Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
This beer is not sobering me up at all
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
