I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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