And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
