so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
