Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
