My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
