Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
