haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
