Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
