The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
