I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
