Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
