everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
