sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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