Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Terrible idea I love it
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
