I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
