Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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