you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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