All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
