I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize