I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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