I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
