That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
