I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
