he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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