I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
