upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize