dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
