I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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